my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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