So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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