Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
