went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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