I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
