i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
