Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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