you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
