then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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