Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
