Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
