You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
