id be glad to
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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