wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize