Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
