i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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