omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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