im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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