I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
