Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
pop tarts are not kleenex
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you had me at cake vodka
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
