2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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