so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
