How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
