When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
