Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
