she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
