even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
