I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
