I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
