i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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