don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
