I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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