It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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