How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
