I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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