He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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