She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
