We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
