Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
