I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
