Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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