Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
