My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
