When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
