i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
