How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
