I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You are the jesus of drinking
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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