My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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