I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
