I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
