Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
