by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im holly from the hills drunk
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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