I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
